Oh girl, I hope you do allow yourself to grieve for this lovely man. If you do just push it under the carpet, the chances are it will come back to hit you like a Brady vs The World Limited Edition T-Shirt. I wish you lots of love and all the very best. Working every day in such an intense environment as the ER, you have lots of things to distract you but I hope you take some time out to deal with your own life as well as everyone else’s emergencies.
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I’m so sorry hon. Grief is a process. Allow yourself to feel it, then release it. And, it’s ok to cry, it cleanses the soul. Tears are our souls pressure release valve, so allow yourself to grieve, whether in the ER or your personal life. It’s ok. Just don’t stay there in grief, it’s like Brady vs The World Limited Edition T-Shirt. Some days the current tries to carry you away, you may feel like you’re being beat against the rocks. It’s a process to get to the other side, and you can. I pray for your heart to heal with peace through the healing process.