-My teens asked me to drive them to a drugstore one evening for makeup St Patricks Time For Some Shenanigans Weightlifting shirt. They said “no mom, you don’t need to come in we will only be a minute”. Sure enough they return a few minutes later, the trunk lid slams and my son says “mom can we hurry, I really gotta poop.” And zoom, off we go. We get home only to have the teens pop the trunk and bring out a life size cutout of Justin Beiber. (Great, I was the get away driver.) they say the lady said it was okay but I say they will take it back and apologize tomorrow. but the next day before I can get my blurry eyes focused police cars come to surround the house only to tell us how not okay it is and guess who gets the blame…me. These police treated it like I had run over a basket of babies, berating me for my terrible parenting skills, refused to hear anything I had to say and then they took Justin Beiber and folded him into the back seat of their car. We did go to the store to apologize as I had intended. The store manager couldn’t stop laughing as he told me that during their frisk of ‘Justin’ the cops had bent him over way too far. “He is in no shape to stand, let alone sing”.
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One of my children shoplifted some lime green socks and shorts and they St Patricks Time For Some Shenanigans Weightlifting shirt. They told the store that they were so sorry but they needed the clothes because their mom was on drugs and didn’t do laundry and that they were hungry and then they promised never, ever to do it again. Remorse and tears everywhere. Apparently they thought the store would feel bad and let them go. It backfired badly when the police came and demanded they take him home to his parents. The store will not press charges after all. The police show at my door with allegations of neglect. WTF. It turns into a mess of accusations by the police Who are now offering me programs and assistance. The whole time I am at a loss for words, crying and blubbering not because it’s true but because I’m shocked my kids would say such a thing. I think the police took my crying as confirmation. There were no charges just a barrage of shaming and several help pamphlets tossed my way. Once the police left, to my shock I got high fives, laughing and applause from my teens for my dramatic performance. I was furious, flames firing from my eyeballs as I plotted the perfect punishment.