The pig farm did send us some literature, but the Pig 4th of July proud to be an American shirt also never mentioned anything about a pig’s “airspace.” This could simply be because airspace is a much more common term in San Diego than it is in Georgia. I myself was unaware of the term until a friend said to me the other day that she and her family almost got a ticket over the weekend. I knew that they had spent the weekend in the desert, an odd place to attract the attention of the authorities I thought. I asked her what happened.
“Oh, it started with the police flying by in their helicopters, but my father told them that they were in a private airspace and had better leave.”
I put the expression “private airspace” away in my brain where I store such words as “power tools,” “fecal material,” and “high-octane pig starter” (Sporky’s recommended pig chow). I think of these words as immediate attention-getters. These are the kinds of words comedians use. I know. I used to date one.
My friend’s father was the co-founder of a microchip company and is, consequently, quite wealthy. I suppose those kind of people can use terms like “private airspace” without feeling a trifle smarmy.
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These are the kind of conversations that make me want to own a pig in Pig 4th of July proud to be an American shirt if only to educate the sheltered individuals who live here that there is a big world out there and maybe they should take a peek at it (along with the dictionary). Because of this exchange, I now think of everything within pig reach as “Sporky’s private airspace.” For example, the vacuum cord was hanging there, taunting him, in Sporky’s private airspace, so he chomped it. He has a right to anything in his airspace for the simple reason that he will take it. Pigs aren’t creatures to hold back their emotions or their curiosity. “Pigs are very intelligent,” people often say to me. “Ah!” I say wisely (as I imagine Confucius might have done). “Intelligence isn’t necessarily something you want in a pet.” Obviously, they haven’t had a smart enough animal to realize this. Sporky has managed to open every kitchen cabinet despite the double child-proof locks (spilling food coloring all over the kitchen floor and then proceeding to walk through it perhaps a hundred times) and I wonder, is it intelligence or simply persistence? If I had a sledgehammer for a nose, what havoc would I wreak?