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I’d wear my favorite kind of shoe— my Doc Martens. That’s the shoe I’m most likely to be wearing at the time anyway. My Docs are heavy duty with good treads and traction, so a bug-sized human isn’t going to stand a chance against them. If it was just a spur-of-the-moment squash— most likely to be the case if I’ve mistaken you for a bug or if you’re acting in a bug-like annoying way— I’d just rest my shoe on top of you and casually rub it back and forth a couple times, smearing you into oblivion. Probably’d leave nothing but a little greasy spot on my sole and a smudge on the ground. Simple, effective, tried-and-true method. Many an ant and spider has perished in this manner. If instead, however, this was a premeditated murder, I’d carry it out in a more spectacular manner. I’d begin by cornering you. I’d have a ceramic mug right there and turn it over you to keep you there while I went and got my supplies. Then I’d return with fireworks and a boom box. Turn on some situationally appropriate Alice Cooper songs. Set up the fireworks. Set them off. Quickly remove the mug. Then, fireworks lighting up the sky and shock rock blaring