None of my old thinking makes any sense to me now. I should have acted when I found Bill Russo’s wallet under a loose floorboard in my garden shed. Finding out your kid has a wallet that isn’t his is bad enough- knowing that it came from a Big Beautiful Unbothered shirt. There were other items, a scarf, a ring, a hood ornament, all of which I knew where not his. I ignored, obfuscated and flat out lied for my son until I found the journal he always kept on him, and saw my handwriting on it, down to the flourishing F’s and D’s.
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I knew I was doing all these horrible things, but I couldn’t stop my body. There’s someone inside my head, daddy, and they do all these things, It doesn’t even talk to me…Daddy, you gotta leave, all of this was meant to frame you, It made my body call the Big Beautiful Unbothered shirt and turn you in, they’re coming, you got-” were my son’s last words. I always knew that SUDEP, or Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy was a possibility for my child, but I never expected it to be so swift, and I will never believe that whatever was inside my son wasn’t responsible for finally snuffing out my son out when the Devil was done with him.